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LJIDOL Wheel of Chaos week 1 prompt: QUALITY
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		Quality over Quantity

Quality over Quantity is easier said than done
when food is a desert and cola is cheap
“nutritionally dense food only,”  we tout
                                  we crow
proud of ourselves for having money
                              education
                              time
as if
as if it grew from the earth
         & we all have equal access
well, i'm here to tell you
         it's lies
         all of it lies
none of it but the fruit grows on trees
& we hoard like villains in a disney movie
         doling out poison
         dressed pretty in needed calories
giving the people nothing but disdain when they bite the candy apple
& goddess forbid
         the poor treat themselves
         to anything else
         fresh meat
         fresh veggies
         or horror of horrors: a cake
we judge and we judge and we judge
harshest critics of our sisters
meanest to our brothers
we judge them all
        secretly eating snickers in our bathrobes
hypocrites R us in america
we like to judge
               to think we are better
we like to think that we CHOSE
        Quality over Quantity of calorie
but really our social status chose
         for us

                                 Eve’s Fountain


criss crossing limbs while tasting from the depths of your desire
thank you for your kiss
                           your touch upon my skin
		the fingers                              within
awakening passion
                                         not dormant             but forgotten
i thank you for letting me taste from your fountain
and creating a circle 
                                           of two 
an A-frame can hold us
                                                but not our desire
                              as limbs criss cross
               and fingers and tongues find ways
to bring moans and throbs and cyclones to reality
it's been a minute since i've had a woman's touch
                  a minute since i've served eve
                      (in ways that  adam never could)
and i'm riding waves of a cyclone
air twisting me 
                               this way and that
criss crossing limbs while i say
thank you for worshiping  
                      (with me)

			RETREAT

what about when you don't fit
when you feel like you don't
         BELONG
i used my blue crutches
and hobbled my way around
the trolley only working odd hours
missing late nights
         early mornings
         and in-between meets and classes
this retreat was not for me
        INCLUSION
         they scream from the rooftops
         but they left out me and my friends
         they left out       
                                        me
so i rode the u-haul  rides up and down the hill
        skipping things i wanted to go to
         because i had to rest not hobble
         i had to rest not break
         because inclusion is for so many
         but at this retreat
         in this community
         inclusion doesn't count                         
 me
		it broke
and saying, simply, “i hear you” 
	isn’t enough
		ACTIONS speak 
		words whisper
here i am post coital from the retreat
	a sad sack sore lump of human
		glad to be home
		happy to be gone
	

this year i’m only bordering mad
	next year i’m gonna be pissed

                  Touchy Subjects



“Men are afraid women will laugh at them.
Women are afraid men will kill them.” – Margaret Atwood


they used to say never discuss politics with friends
but how can i tell if you value my life without such discussions
particularly now
	with Trump at the helm
	waiting impatiently for...


if they had gotten in when congress people still filled the hall
the mob, the riotous crowd,
	intent on their revolution against this country
there would have been more than five dead
	more damage, more death
		more rape

i know this because i’ve heard the threats against strong women
					        against women in power
i know this because 
			i am a woman

i know this because i’ve seen people
	so ready to explode
		at the slightest touch they explode their anger
			it spills from them like niagara falls
		taking hold however they think they know how 
	i’ve seen men explode in anger

anger and politics and violence against women
	they breach their own security and are out in the open
	white supremacist at the helm
		leading us not into temptation
			but into anger
	
i do talk politics and i do prejudge 
if his name speaks with sweetness from your mouth
and if you talk about her emails i will scream 
to the ends of the earth
and we will not be friends still, again
	because your politics are my life
	and i prefer my friends to care about me and mine
i breach social protocol 
		and here we are.

		When it Rains, It Pours


i do not believe in the power of prayer.

i do not believe in the power of prayer
	i wish i could outthink cancer
		outpray it
		out prey it
but no science has brought us far enough
	and so many of my loves 	
	keep fighting these battles on the cellular level

i know that people are fighting
	in their bodies
	in their labs
     and i just keep adding to my lists of people i miss
			or people fighting for their lives

it’s not one
	it feels like all
	my brother
	my mother
	my friend
	my friend 
	my friend
	       …

and when it rains, it pours
	so many people i know missing organs
		missing human touch while they fight
			their internal wars
		and the hits keep on coming
			       keep on moving towards this brutal future
			i fear my skin and my pains
				and more so i fear yours
		how many more names must i add to the dead
				how many more candles in hope of life
			i do not believe in the power of prayer
				i believe in the power of science
			     but we aren’t here to save lives yet
				we are at measures to comfort
				organs to remove
			      when cancer comes calling
			knocking at my door
			       taking my loves
		i believe in the power of science
			and i believe in grief and fear
				as it touches me cold
			fighting for all the candles i must light
		it’s not just one
			i miss so many
				and fear for so many more

		when it rains
				it pours

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                                Caught in the web



boredom, boredom burning bright
tell me tales of adventure and woe
keep me in knowledge and life
	when staying in my home
			        (home)
			        (home)

i connect through fingers
	and thought
		typing and reading and moving naught
	the web is large and gritty and lovely 
		we’re caught like fly in a spider’s parlor
	i look for matthew gray gubler
		my crush on murder tv
			then i find another show 
		do i want to see?

boredom, boredom burning bright
	wikipedia is life
		always another blue word to click
			how am I learning about losing one’s sight
	youTube keeps me in music
		miley cyrus forming into rock
			the way i watch nate ruess’ mouth when he sings
				they’re all in my dreams

connection and zoom
	pictures and texts and telephone calls
so many people have seen my puerto rican curls
(i mean, are you people even real)
poetry readings once a fortnight 	
a new friend to make 
	if i form the effort to say hello

boredom, boredom burning bright
tell me tales of connection and woe 

                  smash & grab

smash & grab
anything that you can see
listen to your heartbeat
is it there
do you live or do you flee

smash & grab
crazy pills 
here to solve all your ills
tested on puppy mills
is it me

smash & grab
to the start 
find your way
find your heart
find the exit key

my aim is smooth
my aim is true
but you have stolen
one last view
of me leaving you
you must believe to see

smash & grab
take my heart
run it through your fucking lab
let me start again
a future without you
	 without my soul
like october dropping leaves
	(alone)

i am nothing
	you are nothing
smash & grab
listen to my footsteps
heartless 
	fading
can’t you see?




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vote here: https://therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1076505.html

			fire is life

so so very very cold
here i walk foot after foot
drenched in the snow
freezing with each step
	          each breath

i thought i knew cold
	til i walked uphill in 3 feet of unplowed brilliance
searching for a shortcut
		and finding none

i search for warmth
			heat
				fire
	in the beating of my heart
	in my feet as they seek
	in my every-
                               thing
		even my thoughts have slowed like molasses in the cold
			turning to slush with one thing on my mind

fire


	fire to warm my heart
			bringing it back from the brink of emptiness
			finding hope in the fire inside
			finding hope and heat
		i thaw from the outside in
			my heart losing walls i formed of ice & anger

				   losing walls
						i formed
							  of ice & anger


but here i am trekking up the hill
	walking like my life depended on this quest
	this quest to find my home
		     to find fire
				to thaw me, to honor my hearth
					Bowing to Hestia
					thanking Prometheus
			fire is life

fire 
is
life

			the jealous sun



the number of mouths that have said the moon is jealous
	well, 
		they’re wrong

the sun is the jealous one.

he is jealous of her changing beauty 
	         of her cool demeanor
		 the fact that we can look upon her face without blindness

the sun is jealous of her all that and a bag of moon chips
	made from moonlight and dreams
		they are what beauty tastes like
			they are beauty

i’ve witnessed the jealousy of the sun
	taking over her time in the summer
		longer times for him to shine
			         for her to take a backseat to his brilliance
							        his shining rays
		but the moon keeps on
			going through her phases
			showing her changing beauty
						night after night
			including the darkness of the womb
		each month she is
			        we are
					reborn

but the sun keeps his the same
	day after day
		the only extra power he has 
			the cyclic power to encroach upon her time

some have called them lovers
	star- and rock-crossed lovers
	destined for sadness
		destined to be alone
			   to chase one another
			through the skies while we sleep and love and fuck and work and write
		
		destined

yet, 
	if they were lovers she wouldn’t always be running
			she wouldn’t always be called jealous
				a heavenly body reduced to the simplicity of human emotions

	if they were lovers
		one of them would allow the other to catch up

no, no, no
		there is no love lost here
	she knows that she is strong
		she knows