come on down to the Mermaid Cafe

		your first rodeo

today you walk the halls of crazy
relearning how to trust the world around you
re-finding yourself in a mess of messiness
it is so new and so scary
i can't express how sorry I am that you are here
another body in the hallways of ghosts and second guessing

i don't know your particular flavor of crazy
your room in this game of mirrors is decorated differently than mine
my malfunction is my own and yours yours

but look around these rooms
these hallways, both metaphorical and real,

you are not alone

we are your friends and your family
and while this may be your first rodeo
i've ridden this bull a million times
and it gets easier
it gets better
you get easier and better in your own mind and body

you learn to heal

you will find new ways to manage your fears and worries
learn to lasso the wildness inside you back into a submission that you feel safe with
you'll figure out when it's okay to yell yee-ha 
and when you should keep the words a bit quieter

you'll learn which meds are the rodeo clowns
protecting you from danger
which ones will lull the beasts to sleep
and which ones awaken new nightmares that whimper and walk on foal legs
attempting to gain purchase in your mind
you learn the tricks of the crazy-trade by looking the stallion in the eyes 
	how to work with your steed
this is not my first rodeo
and it's probably not your last
but you are not alone and we will hold your hand through it all

And see me read it here:






You can vote here: https://therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1013689.html

I opted for a broken toe. Like, I actually CHOSE for this to be done. The story is simple and medical - I had a bunion. I’d always heard about bunions and how they hurt, but I had never really thought about them. Apparently, I also never really knew what they were or how they were dealt with.

My big toe was crooked and pushing into its neighbor. This push caused its root to push out and that caused a bump and nerve pain and swelling. While walking I would suddenly have quick, intense pain that would often cause me to yelp and stop moving.

I found a podiatrist. The fix was not particularly easy: he could break my toe. Yup, elective surgery that involved my doctor shaving off part of my bone, breaking my toe, and putting titanium in there to hold it back together and in the correct angle while it fuses.

It’s been just shy of two weeks. I can put weight on my foot again, gently and slowly, preferably with a cane to steady and help. I’ve barely left the house since the surgery. I love my house, but am going a bit stir-crazy. What is wonderful is that I have friends who are utterly awesome! My husband has been walking the kidlet to school each morning. He took over almost all of my household tasks and chores while I have been healing. A couple of friends have been picking up our son from school and bringing him home or to swim class. Another has brought me lunch with leftovers while my husband works.

I may hurt, but I am so blessed to be given the time and resources to heal. Who am I? Grateful, loved, and ready to write!