come on down to the Mermaid Cafe

                    an introduction



i'm back again for this venerable game
to post my wit and words so wise…

        wait.

to /read/ some wit and words so wise
i'm proud to be here 
	back again 
glad to share what my fingers spew

poet, witch
mother, friend
partner, wife
where does it end
i'm just here to keep it going 
maybe find a little more of who
        I am

pretend to be a poet noble and true
hoping that this is not just drivel i'm writing here
i don't know how to do an introduction
without lists of things i am
or sounding like a personals ad
so here i am with hair very newly green again
telling you

that poetry is power

and i have it
i brought it here to stay 
(i'm told)
and take a bow 
(slipping in my own cocky blood)
hoping i am not too anemic these days
because poets bleed ink
with every strike of the keys
and i am no different
no better
no worse

welcome friends and opponents new
this should be fun
let's bring gary some shit

		Intrigant

i want
a doctor who sees my body with intrigue
a case to be solved
not just a fat body to lose weight
i want someone who sees the whole
and wonders how it is connected
and notices that my hip bone is
         in fact
         connected to my knee bone
through tendons and tears and tears alike

i want
		apparently too much
	a sleuth to look at me with intrigue
		not just a woman with “womanly” problems
				to be
					
			ignored

why is that so much to ask

yeah
	i’m fat
yeah
	i’m woman
but my pain is real 
	and i want it solved
so my tears and tears 
	aren’t mine and mine alone

					any more

                           49 dead

maybe their names don’t matter
	maybe i should just call them all by my own name
     49 carey’s dead
would that make you feel something

but this is not all about me
	this is about Andrea and Mercedes
	this is about Geraldo and Jerald
		          this is about Luis
			    	        Luis
	    			        Luis
				        Luis
			because four of them died that night
				when their pulses were firing full blast
				wrists and jugulars throbbing in time to the dance floor
			hearts watching 
		because here
				here it was supposed to be safe
						safe to love, hold hands, dance hip to hip
					and be
	a dance floor is sanctity 
		latinx night at the club
			49 dead
			49 dead
			49 dead
			49 dead

let’s dance

let’s writhe to the beat of drums and guitar
	let’s feel our heritage dancing in our hips
		movement is safety
		says the rabbit
			says the prey

		movement is safety 
	and i’m going to stand here
		still
	and tell you that love must go on
and tell you that i grieve for my siblings that died that night
	and for Matthew Shepard and Harvey Milk
	and for my friends that were broken for their gay
			broken for identity
			broken for love

let love prevail
	49 dead
	i light this candle for you all
		for Luis
		for Luis
		for Luis
		for Luis

                          TOI,TOI, TOI


the children take the stage
all full of hope and innocence
finding home in their bodies
 the voices of others
my child amongst them
"there are no small parts"
         and that is what he wants
         		to fade into the background
         	singing and dancing townsperson
         			and he is splendid
        						each show
         								my heart stops to watch this child
        								 this young man
         they walk onto the stage and BECOME someone new
         								someone else
i'll be honest and say
        this is no oscar worthy performance on my child’s behalf
         no more emmys will enter our home
         his voice is that of an angel
 but maybe not grammy worthy
being a mother and poet is hard
         where does truth draw a line
         where does reality intercede in poetry
         where does it all end and begin
is this all simply a callback
 a coda
         a return to the beginning of the play
the children take the stage
my son amongst them
trying on new personas
learning new emotions
TOI, TOI, TOI
i am here for it

ljidol week 3 prompt : ecco (italian: here it is, like right now, being presented)

                              ECCO

         (ECHO ECCo ECho Ecco echo)
i can't see you in this hall of mirrors
i cannot hear you in this empty chamber
i can't feel you on my skin from across the ages
i cannot taste your kisses
         (anymore)

you were my first love
tall, blonde, and naive
you were a best friend
knowing me way back when
you were my everything 
(and my nothing)
you have been a homing point for 33 years
camping in fields of folkies
kissing in basements
sharing stories of next loves 
as we grew into adulthood
what do i do when you move to another
        		hemisphere

         (ECCO ECHo ECco Echo ecco)
the time nigh
and off you go
you will always be my first
			  first love
			  first touch
			  first to know so many of my secrets
and here we are 
		adults in our own right
	spouses and children to love and protect
and you’re leaving me
i can’t say that i blame you
	i don’t know how much you still care
though i’ve kept a chamber of my heart open
just for you
	moving forward and moving on 
do you know 
that you helped create who i am 
today
	(the strength and the love)
		do you know 
that i still care
and these echo chambers will fall silent
	these halls of mirrors will shatter fast
		skin will dry and crack from lack of your hug
and you
        you shall be happy
	building new halls and chambers
	        touching the skin of the one that fits you
		in a land of your choice
			so far away from me
i believe in the choices we have made
	i believe that we have arrived
		   that we are here
             and you will always be 
    an ecco in my heart

LJIDOL Wheel of Chaos week 1 prompt: QUALITY
--------------------------------------------------------------------------


		Quality over Quantity

Quality over Quantity is easier said than done
when food is a desert and cola is cheap
“nutritionally dense food only,”  we tout
                                  we crow
proud of ourselves for having money
                              education
                              time
as if
as if it grew from the earth
         & we all have equal access
well, i'm here to tell you
         it's lies
         all of it lies
none of it but the fruit grows on trees
& we hoard like villains in a disney movie
         doling out poison
         dressed pretty in needed calories
giving the people nothing but disdain when they bite the candy apple
& goddess forbid
         the poor treat themselves
         to anything else
         fresh meat
         fresh veggies
         or horror of horrors: a cake
we judge and we judge and we judge
harshest critics of our sisters
meanest to our brothers
we judge them all
        secretly eating snickers in our bathrobes
hypocrites R us in america
we like to judge
               to think we are better
we like to think that we CHOSE
        Quality over Quantity of calorie
but really our social status chose
         for us

                                 Eve’s Fountain


criss crossing limbs while tasting from the depths of your desire
thank you for your kiss
                           your touch upon my skin
		the fingers                              within
awakening passion
                                         not dormant             but forgotten
i thank you for letting me taste from your fountain
and creating a circle 
                                           of two 
an A-frame can hold us
                                                but not our desire
                              as limbs criss cross
               and fingers and tongues find ways
to bring moans and throbs and cyclones to reality
it's been a minute since i've had a woman's touch
                  a minute since i've served eve
                      (in ways that  adam never could)
and i'm riding waves of a cyclone
air twisting me 
                               this way and that
criss crossing limbs while i say
thank you for worshiping  
                      (with me)

			RETREAT

what about when you don't fit
when you feel like you don't
         BELONG
i used my blue crutches
and hobbled my way around
the trolley only working odd hours
missing late nights
         early mornings
         and in-between meets and classes
this retreat was not for me
        INCLUSION
         they scream from the rooftops
         but they left out me and my friends
         they left out       
                                        me
so i rode the u-haul  rides up and down the hill
        skipping things i wanted to go to
         because i had to rest not hobble
         i had to rest not break
         because inclusion is for so many
         but at this retreat
         in this community
         inclusion doesn't count                         
 me
		it broke
and saying, simply, “i hear you” 
	isn’t enough
		ACTIONS speak 
		words whisper
here i am post coital from the retreat
	a sad sack sore lump of human
		glad to be home
		happy to be gone
	

this year i’m only bordering mad
	next year i’m gonna be pissed

                  Touchy Subjects



“Men are afraid women will laugh at them.
Women are afraid men will kill them.” – Margaret Atwood


they used to say never discuss politics with friends
but how can i tell if you value my life without such discussions
particularly now
	with Trump at the helm
	waiting impatiently for...


if they had gotten in when congress people still filled the hall
the mob, the riotous crowd,
	intent on their revolution against this country
there would have been more than five dead
	more damage, more death
		more rape

i know this because i’ve heard the threats against strong women
					        against women in power
i know this because 
			i am a woman

i know this because i’ve seen people
	so ready to explode
		at the slightest touch they explode their anger
			it spills from them like niagara falls
		taking hold however they think they know how 
	i’ve seen men explode in anger

anger and politics and violence against women
	they breach their own security and are out in the open
	white supremacist at the helm
		leading us not into temptation
			but into anger
	
i do talk politics and i do prejudge 
if his name speaks with sweetness from your mouth
and if you talk about her emails i will scream 
to the ends of the earth
and we will not be friends still, again
	because your politics are my life
	and i prefer my friends to care about me and mine
i breach social protocol 
		and here we are.