Survivor Challenge #5; When it Rains, it Pours

[eeyore_grrl]

VOTE HERE: https://therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1083530.html

		When it Rains, It Pours


i do not believe in the power of prayer.

i do not believe in the power of prayer
	i wish i could outthink cancer
		outpray it
		out prey it
but no science has brought us far enough
	and so many of my loves 	
	keep fighting these battles on the cellular level

i know that people are fighting
	in their bodies
	in their labs
     and i just keep adding to my lists of people i miss
			or people fighting for their lives

it’s not one
	it feels like all
	my brother
	my mother
	my friend
	my friend 
	my friend
	       …

and when it rains, it pours
	so many people i know missing organs
		missing human touch while they fight
			their internal wars
		and the hits keep on coming
			       keep on moving towards this brutal future
			i fear my skin and my pains
				and more so i fear yours
		how many more names must i add to the dead
				how many more candles in hope of life
			i do not believe in the power of prayer
				i believe in the power of science
			     but we aren’t here to save lives yet
				we are at measures to comfort
				organs to remove
			      when cancer comes calling
			knocking at my door
			       taking my loves
		i believe in the power of science
			and i believe in grief and fear
				as it touches me cold
			fighting for all the candles i must light
		it’s not just one
			i miss so many
				and fear for so many more

		when it rains
				it pours

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Comments

[bsgsix]

This hits home for me so, so hard, and you write about it so cleanly and clearly.

I, too, believe in the power of science. Sadly, science couldn't save my grandfather (whom I wrote about this week), and it's not saving me. I have incurable cancer that has spread. My oncologist says I have another 3 days or 3 years - we just don't know.

But they've been saying that since 2014, so I always think, "Is it strength within me that keeps me going? Medications? Not going out into public, especially right now? Or is it really good luck?" In the end, I don't know. I'm just grateful to be breathing.

All the candles we must light: every year at Relay for Life, lighting those candles for loved ones with or who died from cancer, watching them glow as there is a minute of silence - it's tough. How do some people get infinite light, and live well into their 80s and 90s, and some simply cannot? What is the reason, and why are some the targets?

I wanted to reply to this right away because it strikes me in the gut. It's painful, real, cold, logical - and yet wonderfully poetic. I love your honesty as much as I love the cadence of this poem. Very well-written.

[eeyore_grrl]

That's amazingly sucktastic. (((((hugs))))) I know part of it is getting older, but I swear SO MANY of the people I lover are diagnosed and... it's terrifying. I'm sorry that you are going through this, too. (hugs) Thank you.

[adoptedwriter]

Oh wow! Cancer sucks. This message is brilliantly conveyed here.

[eeyore_grrl]

So many people I know. It's terrifying and sad making.

[cobalt_00]

I really connected with this, so it seems strange to pull back and say that I loved the tempo of it. Words, like drops, hitting in a relentless cascade against my monitor/window. Well done.

[eeyore_grrl]

thank you; and thank you for your kind words about how it sounds. Sound is so important in poetry.

[swirlsofpurple]

*Hugs* This is so absolutely heart-wrenching.
So powerfully and evocatively put.
Thank you for sharing.

[eeyore_grrl]

Thank you. It means a lot when people LIKE my writing.

[alycewilson]

When I have the time, I always enjoy listening to you read your poems. You are an excellent spoken word performer!

But I must say, this poem brings home just how relentless this illness can be and how many people are affected.

[eeyore_grrl]

So many people I know; So many different organs...

Thank you.

[halfshellvenus]

It's so true-- so many people fighting, and losing the fight in spite of the desparate choices they sacrifice for survival, and we are still hoping and guessing our way through much of it. Our guesses are better now, but so far from a cure, and what terrible pain and suffering it all causes. :(

[eeyore_grrl]

It was rough seeing my brother in the hospital at the end of his life. A cure is gonna be magical.

[gunwithoutmusic]

This one hits close to home for me, as I lost my best friend to cervical cancer a few years ago, and am surrounded by family and friends that have been going through cancer treatments. It feels so pervasive these days, and like there is no end in sight for this monster that swoops in unexpected and uninvited and rips lives asunder in the most senseless way.

Good job this week - I always enjoy your style and the emotional hit of this one in particular was excellent.

[eeyore_grrl]

You said it... it is so fucking pervasive these days. At least it feels more so; but maybe that is just that I'm getting older...

Thank you.

[murielle]

Such a sad, powerful poem of loss.

Brava!

[eeyore_grrl]

I would really appreciate it if the universe would pause on the killing cancer in my family... Thank you.

[murielle]

It is a cruel disease that has taken so many from my own family. I am so sorry it's attacked your own, too.

[flipflop_diva]

As others have said, this hits really hard. I lost my mom to breast cancer when I was young, and then my grandmother to brain cancer, and others I wasn't as close to, but this poem just hits all of my feelings exactly. I, too, believe in the power of science and I wish so much it could move faster because watching people suffer and not being able to do anything about it is horrific. All of which I think you have perfectly captured.

[eeyore_grrl]

Thank you; the fact that this poem is hitting so many people in the gut &/or heart I think it is, perhaps, better than I think it is. I'm sorry for your losses, particularly mom. My brother died about a year and a half ago from colon cancer. I miss him.