come on down to the Mermaid Cafe

                      believe


my son’s school has a volunteer program for parents
the morning after election 2016
i had to walk into his class as a “trusted adult”
	and tell these six year olds that they will be ok


oh god, i didn’t want to walk into that room


at line-up the parents’ eyes were all red rimmed from crying
			from fear
			from not knowing what is next


we were afraid to read about anti-bullying 
	   scared because we don’t know what to say 
			how to explain these results to our children


but we did it
	five of us read the preselected book about being blue
		and helped the children draw frowns and smiles on paper plates
			masks to show their faces
		i told them that cat videos make me smile
	
we told these children that we will protect them
			that we are here for them
			that we love them


	i hugged these children
		my child and his classmates


i am sad for my country
	grieving common sense
	mourning what was and what could have been


but soon
	i need to stand up
	we need to rise
			   in kindness and love
	i need to believe 
				for my son
				for your daughters
				for our transgendered children that are already dying
				for my immigrant husband
				for our parents on social security
				for our friends that are disabled
				for women  


we need to believe
	and we need to fight
				for our freedoms and for our rights


this is who i am
	and i refuse to be less
	         refuse to accept going backwards


i fight with my words
          			and with my hugs
	i believe in the future
				that we have one
				and i am helping to form it
			
	i have a son
there are versions of the future that terrify me


		i      am      terrified


	but i have to believe in possibility 
			          in love
			          in me and you


	teach with me
				believe with me

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The other day my son's school had a Shelter-In-Place due to a person brandishing a weapon nearby. I have dealt with these before, but as a teacher, NOT a parent. I am much more calm and collected when I am in charge of students in such a situation. As for the jackass that kidnapped his girlfriend at gunpoint - I am very glad he was caught and, as far as I know, no one got physically hurt in this incident, but I have choice words for him. As a parent.

Below are two videos: 1: The poem I wrote for this week. 2: Dar William's song "Flinty Kinda Woman" which kept coming to mind when I was journalling, thinking, or writing about this. There is also the poem I wrote, in letters.





(For the record. I don't condone violence. Not violence towards the innocent or the guilty. But this song does speak to me. Having worked with so many people who have been hurt so badly, in so many ways, this song sometimes gets played very, very loudly in my house or in my head.)

              pupa		

we wait
stunted conversation
hot chamomile tea with honey in front of us
	hot enough to burn tongues
	just too hot to hold
		but we do

the police perimeter is fuzzy 	
	but i live nearby 
	i walk my son to school
	i pick him up on foot
	
       i don’t know if i should leave my house

she sits with me
	tear streaked face
	we try not to worry
	to be rational
	to know the odds of harm are slim

but

our children are five years old
five years innocent
	their hugs are tackles
	their worries do not involve	
		domestic disputes, kidnapping, and guns
	their knowledge should not have to  include 
		
		shelter
		    in 
		 place

	the suspect is in custody
	there is no longer a police perimeter

happy to see us and innocent they run to us
	allowed freedom
	allowed safety
	allowed to open their classroom curtains and see again
they are ready to go home
	we are ready to take them
	to wrap them in our arms
		keep them in this pupa stage
		between caterpillar and butterfly
		between innocent and worldly

i don’t want him to be naive
but i don’t want him to know about domestic disputes 
	and kidnapping at gunpoint
      i want his innocence to last just a little bit longer

butterflies are beautiful but only live for a month

can i keep him in this chrysalis
protect him from the world of anger and violence

we watch as their wings emerge