the mother’s silence



the mother walks from room to room
	a ghost in her own home
the father works remotely
	the child camps online


	the mother is back in the 50’s
	preparing meals and 
				speaking when spoken to

(in her silence) 
	they speak to others
	she 
	       calls out
	reaching through 
	       her telephone
	reaching through air
	       to
	            find
		       a
		          voice
		       of 
		her
	        own

to find her voice
 again
before it is lost forever

who is the mother forced into silence
	she birthed a son 
		epidural in place
			grunting and focused
		she chose the lack of screaming
	with medication shunted into her spine
			to quell the screaming pain

but now 
	the child’s voice drones
	& the father adds a hum and a whistle to 
		burrow 
		into
		her
		silence

	mocking her with with her own desire
		   her 1st amendment rights 
			(they don’t hold so very strong in a familial setting)

it is for her family she is silent
	in a nod to nostalgia tv and wifely knowledge
	& this is the reality of a pandemic

here the male voice has a home




	  		Vital

today you said, “just sleep with me, mommy”
so i did

i laid with you until your breaths were steady
                             your lungs calm
                             your voice quiet
		             your heartbeat timed to sleep

i stayed with you while you drifted and relaxed towards slumber
i could feel the warmth of your skin, your cheek against my arm


once you were part of me
growing inside
pushing my organs to make room
stating that you were viable
                                         
                                   vital

and you are

because i cannot imagine life without your smile
			         life without your laugh
			              without the blue of your eyes

you grew from me and grow with me
your heart growing as you learn about the world
                                          love
			                  family
			                  friendship
					       (how to breathe
					        and stand strong)
how to use your lungs and your voice
                  your brain and heart

how to become 
              you



-----

This was written for week 8 of LJ Idol: Exhibit A. http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/632230.html
My topic was "Vital Organs."

You can see/hear the poem here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXZ-0m5P5WQ&feature=youtu.be

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