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curvy girl warning
be gentle with me, please
i deal with enough in the medical world
they chew me up and spit me out
too fat for real medicine
too big to be seen as real
too much for even the mri to see within
so who knows, really, what it is
just that i know something is really wrong
that i hurt like i haven't before
that i deal with pain on a daily basis
and this New Pain Makes Me Want To Cry
but i didn't fit
and they didn't call back
so now i have to play chase
like girls and boys in the school yard
like men and women in bars
like all the things i hate
but i'm simply a fat girl now
too big to have real concerns
cuz they'll say
"if you just lose some weight"
or
"exercise more"
as if the panacea of thinness
is enough
as if starving myself into disappearing
is enough
as if taking a shot or a pill
is enough
to stop a lifetime
of injuries and hurt
a societal epoch
of women being
(invisible)
for
(e)quality
medicine
weight
is merely the newest lie
RETREAT
what about when you don't fit
when you feel like you don't
BELONG
i used my blue crutches
and hobbled my way around
the trolley only working odd hours
missing late nights
early mornings
and in-between meets and classes
this retreat was not for me
INCLUSION
they scream from the rooftops
but they left out me and my friends
they left out
me
so i rode the u-haul rides up and down the hill
skipping things i wanted to go to
because i had to rest not hobble
i had to rest not break
because inclusion is for so many
but at this retreat
in this community
inclusion doesn't count
me
it broke
and saying, simply, “i hear you”
isn’t enough
ACTIONS speak
words whisper
here i am post coital from the retreat
a sad sack sore lump of human
glad to be home
happy to be gone
this year i’m only bordering mad
next year i’m gonna be pissed
