come on down to the Mermaid Cafe

			just maybe

i ain’t no panglossian pollyanna 
i fall into the muck and mire that surrounds me
my eyelids 
	show christmas past 
	mixed with the nightmares of a child grown

i ain’t no mother theresa on my way to sainthood
	having dedicated my life to helping, to saving, to giving
	i am too jaded to be always optimistic
        too fallible to walk the road to sainthood 
		or to become an american classic of sweetness and naivete

i am so very, very human

maybe i should meditate more
	practice my sun salutations to greet each morning
	drink smoothies made with kale harvested from my garden
	sing songs of hope while i dance naked in the bone-white light of the moon
	
maybe i should reach deeply in my psyche to find peace and a smile
	a smile so big, and so honest, that my troubles will crumble 
		the corners of my mouth will be so sharp that my fears will run and hide
		lips so plump and soft that adversarial words will use them for pillows
			and become no more than a wisp of a bad dream

or maybe i should decorate my christmas tree with throwing stars
	arming myself, protecting my family 
	drawing blood from those who trespass
	breaking limbs of those who hurt us
	(defense, defense, defense)
	
everything is a threat when hatred glosses my eyes
everything is dangerous when ptsd blinds me

i ain’t no panglossian pollyana believing that all is good
		 that all bad happens for a reason and so much good is on the way
			so very much good

but i am armed with a smile of hello
	arms to enfold you in comfort and warmth
		and the will to create a better future

maybe there is some pollyanna in me after all 


just maybe

This was written for LiveJournal Idol, Friends and Rivals mini-season. This week's ridiculously difficult topic had several ridiculously hard topics to choose from. After much thought and false starts and staring at blank page and blank screen my muse caved. The above is what you get. Barely making the deadline. *phew*