come on down to the Mermaid Cafe

It's not mandatory, but if you have a moment you could listen to the song I reference in the following poem. ani difranco's in or out.

			spots and stripes

i was 15 years old, maybe 16
camping for the weekend at Clearwater’s Great Hudson River Revival
	volunteering, freedom to play grown-up, meet new friends,
	and hear new music

we wandered the different stages, secure in our volunteer tee shirts
hearing Pete Seeger tell stories, Sweet Honey in the Rock sing their songs

and then i heard a new voice
	Shira read her blurb and suggested the Ani Difranco set

			we went

we sat on the grass and watched a woman, young, but older than us
play guitar and sing folk music that was more rock
		folk music that centered on her life 
						her politics
	and it made sense

she sang in or out
	while the audience sat and wiggled in dance
		hippie girls twirling in the aisles
“i guess there’s something wrong with me, i guess i don’t fit in”
	the words spoke to me
	i leaned in, listened closer
		watching this woman command a stage
	
“some days the line i walk turns out to be straight,
	other days the line tends to deviate”

and something began to grow
	a realization slowly building
	
i bought the cassette tape
	my yellow walkman constantly playing
	ani’s words digesting in my brain

the next year Shira said that she wanted to kiss me
and i was scared, a girl… i declined
	but thought it through
considered bisexuality
	accepted that it existed
		    that women could be attractive
	we danced to in or out 
	singing along, all the words flowing with my blood
				this song
					    a part of me

years later,
	volunteering and camping again
Shira and i kissed
	i think the music made me do it
		that post college kiss started as teens

	and it was lovely

ani difranco influenced my life, my sexuality, and my poetry. thank you, ani, for showing so many of us the way through the dark.


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