Survivor Challenge #2 Keel Hauling

[eeyore_grrl]

                  keel hauling my heart




don’t you know i loved you
	i gave you my heart the day you said you gave me yours
	you know i loved you
		but you seem not to have cared

and like a mutineer on a pirate ship of old
	you punish me
		your rightful law
	you punish me
		tie me up and throw me down
			into the water
	pull pull pull 
		under the ship i go
	salt in my wounds
		i try not to scream
		 try not to breathe
	back and body bashed against the boat
	as they pull me all to slowly
		under under 
				down i go


this is my rightful punishment 
	my heart tied to yours 
			forever
	our hearts 
		combined in love and hatred
 	our hearts
		combined

don’t you know
		i loved you

Watch on YouTube

You can vote here https://therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1074276.html

Comments

[eeyore_grrl]

Don't worry, this is only vaguely about an ex ages and ages ago.

[gunwithoutmusic]

I liked this a lot - I can definitely relate to those feelings regarding a long long ago ex myself, so this felt like a gut punch (in a good way). Your reading is so good, too! You put a lot of emotion into your reading and it adds a lot of depth.

Good work!

[eeyore_grrl]

Thank you so much for the compliments. I think most poetry is meant to be read out loud. After awhile, I'm told, you start reading it in your head in my cadence. :-)

[bleodswean]

You've got such a great speaking voice! Nicely done.

[eeyore_grrl]

Well formed with ten years of teaching special education. Thank you; I am always happy to hear it's working.

[adoptedwriter]

So much feeling in this.

[eeyore_grrl]

I tried to get it through. It's harder when there is only a kernel of truth. I confessional poet better.

[megatronix]

Heartbreak is definitely torturous! I like the line "our hearts combined in love and hatred"

Lots of deep feelings here, for sure!

[eeyore_grrl]

Looking back can hurt sometimes.

[bsgsix]

Relatable sentiments indeed - I think most of us have been dragged and crushed by love and heartache. There is a great deal of that dark sadness here that works well for both the poem and the prompt. Very nice work! <3

[eeyore_grrl]

I'm so glad it's working. I took so long to make this one come to fruition. NOT an easy topic.

[minikin25]

Nice choice of experience to draw from. The imagery is vivid.

[eeyore_grrl]

Thank you.

[murielle]

So well done!

I love the particular rhythm of this poem, it really emphasizes the meaning.

Profound! Brava!

[eeyore_grrl]

Merci! I try.

[halfshellvenus]

this is my rightful punishment
my heart tied to yours
forever
That gave me such pangs. That kind of relationship can destroy a person, and so often it just makes it harder to leave.

I'm so glad you put that note there about this not being recent!

[eeyore_grrl]

Yeah... if I don't give warnings people, like my mommy, worry about the state of my relationships...

[wolfden]

I can definitely relate to those feelings. I really like this. Great job.

[uselesstinrelic]

Augh. This was so relatable because my last and only kind of substantial relationship had a lot of feelings like this to it before it ended and until recently. So I was right in the place where reading this was easy to relate to and I was really open to your feelings.

I really appreciate works like this that allow for the complexity of misery and sad hope. Or regrets or... I don't really know the right words for that feeling that comes with your line, "don't you know I loved you", which is I guess why poetry is a perfect fit for that situation. It skips over trying to find the right words and just gives the reader the right feeling. The feeling was very there.

Great work!

[n3m3sis43]

The emotion in this piece is so strong.