LJ IDOL 9, WEEK 17. Topic: "Scare Quotes"

[eeyore_grrl]

				together


“suicide”
	i can hear you say it
	voice a harsh whisper
		i can even hear the quote marks placed around the word
			as if punctuation can save you
					or change the recent past


			it
		       cannot 

oh, god, and i’ve been there
	the word a whisper in my head
	over and over again
oh, god, and i’ve been there
	the word shouted
		    sudden in my head
	“suicide” demanded by someone other than myself
				by someone that lives in my head and lies
	
		and lies
		and lies
		and lies
		and lies

“suicide” i can feel you looking at me
	i am a woman marked 
			the sword of damocles on my wrists
						         my heart
	i am a woman marked by the truth
				   by the past
		a woman marked by poets i love
				and a tendency towards darkness and death

today i do not want to die

i want to live my life with a clear mind
		live my life with clear intent
			live my life

but it is never that easy
	  never so clear cut
	
there is a battle to be won
		a battle waged with chemicals and pills
		a battle waged in propaganda 
			posters covering my eyes

and sometimes we, as a whole, forget
	forget that depression is an illness that lurks and hides
						that hides behind smiles
								      and laughter
   								      and jokes
		that talent and money can’t save us

but i can
      you can
	caring hearts can

take away the scare quotes when you say the word
suicide
suicide
suicide

get used to the feel of the word on your tongue

and speak its name when it comes
	speak its name
	and drop the sword
       with great power comes great responsibility
hug your friends
hug your family
hug strangers that need to be touched and reminded

together
		together we can put away the knives
					close the ovens
					wind the rope back up
together we can live

Hear and see me read here:

Watch on YouTube

If you or someone you know is in danger, is believing the lies of depression, please call 1-800-SUICIDE anywhere in the continental US. Life sometimes sucks, but has so much more to offer.

--
This was written for week 17 of LJ IDOL SEASON 9. The topic was "Scare Quotes."

If you like what you read/hear/see please go vote for me. :-) http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/769027.html

Comments

[mac-arthur-park.livejournal.com]

Amazing. Thank you.

[eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[dafydd.livejournal.com]

*hughug*

[eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com]

(hugs) back. Today I'm ok.

[tatdatcm.livejournal.com]

This brought tears to my eyes.

[eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I hope they were tears that were easily put away.

[theun4givables.livejournal.com]

<3

[eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[chinders.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

"demanded by someone other than myself
by someone that lives in my head and lies"

This. It's never _me_, precisely, that wants these things.

[suesniffsglue.livejournal.com]

This is beautiful. Wonderful job. I talked about this in my post too--and you are certainly one of those soldiers of strength I spoke of. Thank you for sharing your strength.

[kajel.livejournal.com]

Amazingly done.

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Ah, that "someone who lives in my head and lies." Ain't depression the greatest? Nice job capturing it here.

[rayaso.livejournal.com]

Very powerful! I hope things are well with you now.

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

by someone that lives in my head and lies

One of the _hardest_ parts of depression is trying to that it distorts, and that it changes our perceptions of reality. It lies, and those lies are dangerous.

But treatment, and loving and being loved (spreading love if you don't have someone to offer it to you), make such a difference.

Every day more of survival and truly living is a victory.

[binaryorchid.livejournal.com]

Very well done! Intense and honest!

[eternal-ot.livejournal.com]

You did a swell job here..*applause* and *hugs*

[ryl.livejournal.com]

This was very powerful. *hugs*

[watching-ships.livejournal.com]

great work here. thank you so much for sharing this message.

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal experience. I hope a lot of people's eyes are opened.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

well met. As always.