eeyore_grrl: (carey purple streaks)
[personal profile] eeyore_grrl

                 life used to be hard
	 	                 (for maria and tina)




life used to be hard


i mean, in a way that breathing was difficult
	   opening my eyes every morning spelled failure
               and placing footstep after footstep was momentous


i mean, in a way that every bridge with a low fence struck me as a blessing
            the trees beckoned to me while i drove
            and razorblades wrote their poetry on my skin


i used to know life only through pain and struggle
	i thought that they were one and the same
	i thought that life was only numbness and tears


life used to be hard
	i knew laughter and smiles
but there were so many more messages of fighting
i saw blood and weapons on the street
drugs and violence in the places we lived


i became the daughter that learned of books and silence
my brother learned about adrenaline and jumped off mountains
we grew from rocky ground evolving into different species


i thought that i needed the struggle to feel alive
	that it was the only way 
	that
	       there was only pain


but now i breathe deeply in california
	kiss my husband every day
	and i can feel my son’s heartbeat when i look at him


i wash the sleepies from my eyes every morning
	glad that i have woken yet again
	that i am alive to see a new day


most mornings i walk my son to school
	foot follows foot for a mile
	we talk about our lives and about what we are learning 


i relish the fact that life itself is no longer a struggle
i mean, i view bridges as paths 
      	 trees are now friends offering oxygen and beauty
	 and razorblades are nothing more than tools and memories


i want you to know that i am not alone
	that you are not alone in this world that feeds you struggle after struggle
	keep hanging on
	
i mean, i mean that i want you to live
	because you are worth the struggle
	and i’m not done learning from your songs

Date: 2016-11-22 12:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lilmissmagic71.livejournal.com
Lovely and raw. Nicely done.

Date: 2016-11-22 11:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
Thank you. I was trying to find the right tone. The "I love you" tone But, also, the "I've been there and understand" tone.

Date: 2016-11-23 12:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ellison.livejournal.com
Beautiful :)

Date: 2016-11-28 06:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] livejournal.livejournal.com
User [livejournal.com profile] belenen referenced to your post from LJ Idol signups still open! / LJI fav reads list, week 1: I need the struggle to feel alive (http://belenen.livejournal.com/678850.html) saying: [...] http://eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com/638458.html [...]

Date: 2016-11-23 05:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adoptedwriter.livejournal.com
So honest and beautiful!

Date: 2016-11-27 03:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
thank you. i hope it helps people...

Date: 2016-11-25 11:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yuniebaby.livejournal.com
Marvelous!

Date: 2016-11-25 11:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kajel.livejournal.com
Oh, nicely done!

Date: 2016-11-26 02:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eternal-ot.livejournal.com
I loved the transition from dark to bright and beautiful. Good Job!

Date: 2016-11-27 03:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
thanks. there are a lot of "don't be suicidal" poems and such out there, but rarely do they say they understand. i understand.

Date: 2016-11-26 11:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rayaso.livejournal.com
This was really wonderful! I loved the transition from dark misery to happiness, and I'm glad life turned out that way. You had several good phrase, but I loved "razorblades wrote their poetry on my skin ' -- that was great!

Date: 2016-11-27 03:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
thanks. bleak days and times are so encompassing it's easy to forget there was anything else or think there ever will be again...

Date: 2016-11-27 07:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] halfshellvenus.livejournal.com
I think this really said what you intended-- that there is struggle, that you have lived it and understand, but that there is also love and beauty and surviving the bad times can lead you there.

Date: 2016-11-28 06:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
And when depressed it is so so so so very very difficult to remember that.

Date: 2016-11-27 11:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dmousey.livejournal.com
I really like the format and structure of this! Thanks for sharing! Peace and hugs~~~D

Date: 2016-11-28 06:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
You're welcome and thank You.

Date: 2016-11-28 06:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] murielle.livejournal.com
Beautiful! I love the hope! Too bad the vid doesn't work, because I love to see/ hear you speak your words.

Date: 2016-11-29 12:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] my-name-is-jenn.livejournal.com
Beautiful, and I love the format. :)

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Date: 2016-11-29 01:36 pm (UTC)

Date: 2016-11-29 06:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] penpusher.livejournal.com
much like life, a long and winding road!

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