a barrel of crabs

        A barrel of crabs


innocence lost
    too many visuals still clutter my mind

in my nightmares
    i'm usually me, now, as-is, scared
   but the stories are repeated
                       embellished
   they are from then
                   the before time
        where everything is fuzzy
        and memories aren't always true
it is taking a child and throwing her into
        a basket of crabs
exposing delicate skin, delicate life
     to a slow death by pinching

a flash of a butcher knife
        a pinch to the wrist
the sound of confrontation
   pinch
     pinch
       pinch
             to the heart

my soul has been leaking out for years
bubblegum cannot stop the flow
any more than a finger 
                 can heal the hole in a dam

the voices stuck on repeat
   "I suck.
    I suck!
    I suck!!"

everywhere a solid pinch to flesh and bone
ichor dripping from me
    filling the atmosphere
       leaving me empty
           (         )
           (         )
           (         )

perhaps
      perhaps the barrel of crabs is full 
                         of nectar and ambrosia
      perhaps that will satisfy them
              more than my blood and leaking soul

arms out i dive into the barrel
   falling slow
   falling fast

i give in
  and trust

_----------

This was written for ljidol season 9.