LiveJournal Idol Season 9 Week 23: The Fiction of the Fix

		the fiction of the fix


we like to believe in answers
	                 in absolutes
                          
we like to believe that life makes sense
and that everything has a cure

doctors are no more than medicine men
dressed in white coats
suit and tie or scrubs
we expect answers
as they whirl around us 
sterile amulets draped about them

my body felt torn and old
simply walking and breathing hurt
sleep was agony

and i went to find answers
my body demanded something
my mind crumpled under the pressure

I begged for a fix
         a cure

but there was nothing that they could do
no proven answers
no proven name
just a vague diagnosis, a syndrome
(fibromyalgia)

i saw multiple doctors
different names, different credentials
i tried different drugs
but the cure i sought
                 (the cure i seek)
is fictional

the salve to cure my screaming joints
     my aching muscles
the exercise to quiet my body and mind
so that sleep is heavy and deep
the fix is only fiction
           is only a dream

i walk with fire in my body
i will smile in defiance of my ailments

at least in my mind	
			i will stand strong 
until fiction becomes reality


	

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Fibromyalgia is no joke, yo. It sucks tacks. Not mentioned in the poem is that consistent yoga helps me. As well as hot baths, hot tub, and hot showers. 1-2 weeks of a flexeril three times a day might be helping me go into something like remission, but the jury is still out on the cause of my recent remissions. It's also really hard to accept some of the limitations that come with chronic pain. For instance, I don't typically have time to shower before I go downstairs to get the kidlet ready for school; I finally got a cane to help me not involuntarily wince for every one of the 17 steps. It helps, but I surely don't want to think of myself as needing a cane... Gah. The fix becoming reality would be really, really nice.


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