[personal profile] eeyore_grrl
The email that made me feel like a BAMF


I’m not from this class, not from this educational background, not from this.... well, not from, or deserving, of all of this (raises arms and looks around). At least that’s how I often feel.
It’s really no secret that I have self-esteem issues, and not in a narcissistic way, just read some of my past writing you’ll get the idea. I feel like an imposter in my life, in my own world, in fact I don’t feel as if I have a world that I fit in at all. I live in fear of being found out.

I’ve been out of the job market for several years. By the mutual decision of my partner and I, I am staying home to raise our child. I have begun to dip my feet back in the teaching waters, looking for half-time special education positions nearby. It’s a dauntless task, not many exist and schools often hire from within their substitute teacher pools. I’ve tried subbing, but with limited days, distance, and hours, it’s just not happening.

First some background I suppose. My last teaching gig was teaching incarcerated males between the ages of 15 and 18 in a Special Day Class (SDC -- special education classification mostly consisting of moderate learning disabilities or emotional disturbances that remain predominantly in one classroom, with one special education teacher throughout the school day). These students mostly have gang violence and/or drug concerns that lead them to my classroom door. Honestly, I didn’t usually ask why they were there, and only rarely did probation feel I NEEDED to know the crime of any particular student (and when they did it was for the safety of other students and/or myself).

My husband is proud of what I do, he and certain friends would trot my job title out at parties when I was new to the social group because it sounds so damned badass. But really it was the safest job I’ve ever had. Generally speaking those kids were sober, had enough sleep, were safe, had 3 square meals served to them, and often were the safest they had been in their whole lives. There is a lot of sadness and commentary in that last sentence, but this post is about me.

To be only a little bit full of myself: I was good at it. The probation officers in the classroom *liked* being in my classroom. They learned, they were sometimes part of the classroom conversation, they weren’t utterly bored with a high school SDC class as they, and others, expected to be. More importantly I held control of my classroom. I may not have a lot of faith in myself in many respects, but I’m damned good at what I do and it isn’t something most people can do.

But I digress with backstory. Being out of the teaching game for 4 years I had forgotten much about me as a teacher. I asked my former principal for a letter of recommendation and he had the most wonderful things to say. He emailed me a copy of the letter. At first I almost thought it was fake, or about someone else, it had been 4 years, clearly I wasn’t *that* good.

“[E]ngages the students with ease and treats them with respect (that she expects reciprocated from each and every one of them). The inherent demands of the students require that they look for an adult who provides consistency, “equity” and “fairness”. Ms. [eeyore_grrl] has always passed that test, and survived and thrived in working with this population of students.”

“She has convinced probation staff that she can manage these students in non-secure surroundings and that the students can definitely benefit from such experiences.”

I’ve seen teachers come and go in that environment. Bright, good teachers, that just couldn’t hack the roughness of the students and the limitations of teaching in an incarceration facility. I’ve seen teachers afraid to take their classes on field trips. I’ve seen teachers that were too harsh and more that were too kind, trying to make friends in a manner. I was there to teach. And they were the best behaved students I have EVER taken on field trips.

Not only did I do it, other people noticed that I am, indeed, a bad ass mother fucker and could not only handle these kids, but help them thrive in an environment that often stilts. Help them with academics, social concerns, and the general skills to get along in a classroom and life.

Maybe I’ll keep this email open in a tab in the background and read it when I start to feel down on myself. It’s nice to read, and it’s nice to feel that others appreciate my teaching skills too.


-----------
This is one of two entries for this week's lj idol. There are plenty more by others coming your way. http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/671853.html

If it is an open vote I will post voting info when it arrives.

Voting Here: http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/673598.html?nc=7#comments
There are four separate polls, I'm in two.

Date: 2013-07-15 06:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] densaer.livejournal.com
Love this. It makes me fuzzy with mission and purpose and clarity that few others ever really get to experience.

Date: 2013-07-16 06:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
Mission and purpose. Good things. :-)

Date: 2013-07-15 05:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] purplefrog26.livejournal.com
Yay! I think we all should keep messages like this around.

Date: 2013-07-16 06:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
In general I don't think we get them enough. Not good true ones. I know I need to remember to keep this stuff around.

Date: 2013-07-15 06:31 pm (UTC)
ext_224364: (Default)
From: [identity profile] x-disturbed-x.livejournal.com
See I think that's an awesome idea. When I feel down I pull out a little note I got from work thanking me for taking care of one of my sickly clients. It always makes me feel better.

Date: 2013-07-16 06:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
Thanks. Glad you have a note to pull out. :D

Date: 2013-07-16 02:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fourzoas.livejournal.com
What an awesome email and a testament to how truly badass you are!

Date: 2013-07-16 06:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
I do have my moments. :D

Date: 2013-07-16 04:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] halfshellvenus.livejournal.com
Aw, this was really nice. I was thinking of the reverse with this prompt, emails that you sent to someone else. But an email you received-- such an awesome one-- works really well too. This really would make you feel like a BAMF.

Wishing you luck in finding your way back to this kind of work.

Date: 2013-07-16 06:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
I didn't even THINK about the ones I might have sent. This was my first idea out of all of them. Granted it was also on my mind due to setting up everything for applications and the such.

Thanks.

And I really do feel warm and fuzzy reading that rec letter.

Date: 2013-07-16 03:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kajel.livejournal.com
That is the best kind of email to get! It sounds like you were really good at what you did. Good luck finding something that suits you.

Date: 2013-07-16 06:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
I like to think so. And I did see changes in kids that help me think so. I clearly don't get to every kid but I get some. And THAT is good.

Date: 2013-07-16 05:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oxymoron67.livejournal.com
It's always great to see that others feel that we're worthwhile.

Keep that e-mail handy when you need an ego boost.

Date: 2013-07-16 06:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
That's the plan!

I hope you have/get something similar!

Date: 2013-07-17 05:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] metaphortunate.livejournal.com
That is so great!

And yes! It is good to remember to reread these things from time to time! Because we forget, for some reason, which sucks!

Date: 2013-07-17 03:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adoptedwriter.livejournal.com
I have a " Happy Gram" saved from a colleague. After I got laid off I happened to find the piece of paper, and I felt better about myself. I like this story. Yay for us teachers! AW

Date: 2013-07-18 05:30 am (UTC)
ext_80205: a pink haired girl holding a guitar with a broken string (a daughter of kings)
From: [identity profile] meepalicious.livejournal.com
My mom used to teach in a similar situation, only her students were adults who needed remedial support. She said it was one of the hardest jobs she's ever had, but also one of the most rewarding. I know I couldn't cut it as a teacher in a situation like that, so props to you.

… and I totally know what you mean about feeling like an impostor because you're not from this class background and it makes you feel insecure.

Date: 2013-07-19 03:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cheshire23.livejournal.com
This made me so happy to read.

Date: 2013-07-19 04:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] roina-arwen.livejournal.com
It's great that you're so good at what you do, and it's nice when others appreciate it!

Date: 2013-07-19 07:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jem0000000.livejournal.com
That is nice. :) Go you!

Date: 2013-07-19 02:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alyce wilson (from livejournal.com)
I like how unexpected the connection was between BAMF and teaching! It's great to find out people have a high opinion of you.

Date: 2013-07-19 11:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] favoritebean.livejournal.com
Yay for awesome rec letters!

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