Recency Bias

[eeyore_grrl]

             Recency Bias

four days inpatient
an unplanned hospital stay
an undetermined amount of time
    soon
    soon i'll return to my family
                        my home
                        my life

and then i need to change
        medications worked out
        scheduled balance
          of busy versus time to regroup

and i need to beat my recency bias
                   to   the   ground

the recent past
             is not the whole of reality
             it is just a piece
          and i am 
                   NOT
          doomed to repeat it
                         again
                               and again

a sudden urge to die
       an overwhelming sense of dread and pointlessness
       is not the whole of my being
          not the whole of me

so today
      today i remember
   that Depression Lies
   that tomorrow is a new day

I Am Alive
     and grateful for my breath

I Am Alive
     and focused on the future
            not only the recent past

I Am Alive.

---

This was written for LJ Idol Season 9, Week 11.

Comments

[dafydd.livejournal.com]

*hughug*

[fodschwazzle.livejournal.com]

I enjoy the shape of this poem. Looks like downward steps, probably towards a social treatment. The status of "alive," repeated as a mantra, is also very compelling.

[kagomeshuko.livejournal.com]

Nice and sad, too. *hugs*

[metaphortunate.livejournal.com]

It totally lies.

Hospital stay genuinely sucks, though. I hope you're home.

[beeker121.livejournal.com]

The parallel sounds of "depression lies" and "i am alive" really caught at my ear and demanded focus. Best wishes to you and yours while your new normal shakes out.

[mac-arthur-park.livejournal.com]

Powerful!

[lawchicky.livejournal.com]

Hang in there!

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Depression is a lying bastard. I hope you make it to a better place soon.

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[i-17bingo.livejournal.com]

Oh, man. Before I found out what was bipolar, I lived like this... and then I lived, wondering who that depressed asshole was because he wasn't me and this party was never going to end except it did. Everything ends. It's all so... pointless. Party! I want to die. (Repeat).

I'm saying that you nailed it.

[favoritebean.livejournal.com]

***hugs***