eeyore_grrl: (2016/17)

			fear is the heart of love

“freedom” drips from our tongues
	runs in the blood of america like an inoculation
		we feel protected
			 impregnable
			
			 safe
 
we stand at the gates
	automatic weapons at the ready 
	automatic words at the ready
	automatic hate 	
			   at the ready

we shout out
	angry,
		laden with fear,
			wanting safety that we can’t put into words

we fly the flag of ancestors
	(orange and crossed)
	claiming “heritage”
	claiming “pride”
	claiming that hatred can’t live in a piece of cloth
	
	oh, but it does

the confederate flag flying
			proud
	from the window of your home tells me that we cannot be friends
		because that flag stands for slavery
						  segregation
						  racism

	that flag stands for hate
					and dominance of a people

we want to ban muslims 
build a wall against our neighbor
	we want to build a bigger arsenal
			and arm ourselves to teeth
we want to live like survivalists in a white, white world

	and we think that this whiteness protects us
					         elevates us
				we think this shroud and hood are becoming
								      are important

the road to muslim registries and even more persecution is paved with racist intent
	because we hate what is different
			we fear that which is unknown
		and here you stand,
				on our shores, in our fields
				climbing our mountains, and walking our orchards
			claiming freedom and greatness are simply ours for the taking

				but you are building with blocks of fear and hatred
					you are lying
					trying to change the meaning of truth
		
	and we are standing firm
		        standing strong
		        standing on the strength of our other ancestors
		
		        standing for truth and justice 
		        standing for equality

we will not be defined by this hatred
	we will be defined by strength and justice

	we will wrap your fear in community
		 wrap your fear in protests
		 wrap your fear in love love love

together we can refuse to live with hatred in our veins
	together we can turn fear into love

	together we stand



eeyore_grrl: (carey purple streaks)
                      believe


my son’s school has a volunteer program for parents
the morning after election 2016
i had to walk into his class as a “trusted adult”
	and tell these six year olds that they will be ok


oh god, i didn’t want to walk into that room


at line-up the parents’ eyes were all red rimmed from crying
			from fear
			from not knowing what is next


we were afraid to read about anti-bullying 
	   scared because we don’t know what to say 
			how to explain these results to our children


but we did it
	five of us read the preselected book about being blue
		and helped the children draw frowns and smiles on paper plates
			masks to show their faces
		i told them that cat videos make me smile
	
we told these children that we will protect them
			that we are here for them
			that we love them


	i hugged these children
		my child and his classmates


i am sad for my country
	grieving common sense
	mourning what was and what could have been


but soon
	i need to stand up
	we need to rise
			   in kindness and love
	i need to believe 
				for my son
				for your daughters
				for our transgendered children that are already dying
				for my immigrant husband
				for our parents on social security
				for our friends that are disabled
				for women  


we need to believe
	and we need to fight
				for our freedoms and for our rights


this is who i am
	and i refuse to be less
	         refuse to accept going backwards


i fight with my words
          			and with my hugs
	i believe in the future
				that we have one
				and i am helping to form it
			
	i have a son
there are versions of the future that terrify me


		i      am      terrified


	but i have to believe in possibility 
			          in love
			          in me and you


	teach with me
				believe with me






See others here: http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/947738.html
and here: http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/947581.html
eeyore_grrl: (kiss kiss girl girl)

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang

Bang


I wanted to write their names, but I can’t bring myself to read them. I can’t even double check the death toll. Or add Bangs for the injured. I wanted to write a poem to say how I feel about the Pulse Massacre in Orlando. But the poem that is on my lips, in my fingers, etching itself into my heart is one that requires details. Details. I can’t deal with details and won’t make myself for the sake of art; Right now I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the Big Picture. The fact that this happened. I can’t handle the details right now, and that’s ok. I don’t have to.


This is self-care.


I wanted to find the times. The time started. The length of time. What time of his life led him to hate the

Lesbian

Gay

Bisexual

Transgender

Queer

+

Community. What time of day was it when he planned this massacre. When will we outlaw guns like this? When will we outlaw guns like this? When will we outlaw guns like this? The length of time it takes to create a monster?


I think that I need to be more queer. More loud. More political. I have been busy with my husband and child; living the suburban dream and being ok with it. But this time I’m really going to write letters to my elected officials. (In longhand that they can think of me as a person, not a printer, not a chainmail.) And I’m going to be more vocal about my beliefs. I’m going to challenge others. I’ll do it calmly. The fact that this was specifically perpetrated against the queer community makes me want to go about kissing women in public. In photographs. To reaffirm my solidarity. To normalize. To show that we are indeed here, we are indeed queer, and really, you best get used to it.


When I can safely look at the details I will ingest them and digest them. I will turn details into stardust and record names into art. I will help the future look back and weep for us, with us. I will help explain this in emotion. In heartsong. In the delicate language of a wrist’s pulse I will speak my pieces. I will check and double check the facts that I use. The spelling of names.


I will exude love. Or, at least, I’ll try. Then I will try harder. And, so very importantly, I’ll remember that anger doesn’t nullify love. That sometimes sheer anger is the most useful reaction, because every reaction causes an equal and opposite reaction and the world needs more love.


One day

I will write their names.

eeyore_grrl: (carey purple streaks)

There are a million different types of mistakes to be made. Mistakes of a dire nature, crimes of passion or planned thought, unprotected sex, words spoken that should have been kept in, or trying to be popular because someone said you should. Don’t forget maxing out the credit card as soon as you get it, or taking out a payday loan that you know is bad business, but it seemed better than defaulting on your car loan, that ended up repossessed anyway. Opening that second bottle of wine when, really, one is more than enough.


Don’t forget mistakes in love...but are they mistakes? Are loves loved and lost mistakes, road bumps, or just what it takes to make the real one, the right one, take?


---


Tanya was the air I breathed, the blood in my veins, the … well you get the idea, she was all the clichés. From our first tipsy admission of attraction and sneaking that first kiss in a dingy college bar bathroom to morning’s afterglow.


We did it all the right way. Falling like a love poem into the ocean, or some other overdone mixed-metaphor that doesn’t quite work. We did it all wrong. Over time we loved. We lusted. We cheated. We cried. We talked. We did it all. Not necessarily in that order, and in only the way people finding newness at twenty-one can manage. All those hormones and freedom. Graduation right around the corner. The big scary adult world ahead of us. It was a love unique in my life, a love unique in the world, it was a love doomed and poorly timed.


In the end she was all wrong for me in the most vital of ways, she was still so very closeted, refusing to hold hands in Greenwich Village, blocks from Stonewall, in 1996. A time and place where our safety was fairly certain. Nevermind telling her family. She was the golden girl and refused to break their stereotypes of her.


She called me when I moved across the state; We tried to make it last, make it a future. She called with a man in her bed, lonely and missing me. She called me out on things I said and words I didn’t. She wanted forever but refused to admit to me now. She threw my weaknesses back at me one night as dark gave in to the never ending battle with daylight. She hurt me with my own words. She’s a therapist, she knew what she was doing. She knew the power of manipulation. She knew the power of words over sticks and stones.


I moved without a forwarding address.


How much do I miss Tanya? A fair bit, to be honest. She was smart as a whip, fun, and I did love her. We were all wrong for each other, or maybe it was just the wrong time? Maybe she wasn’t a mistake after all, who can tell at the time? And hindsight is sometimes blurry, but I wish her well. I wish her health. I wish her honesty. I wish her love.





--------
Read more: http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/658326.html?view=67376790#t67376790 I'll post a link to the vote page when it happens.


Voting here: http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/659933.html
eeyore_grrl: (ian and carey 3/29/07)
two years ago last night [profile] ianhickson and i met at burning man. he gave me his email address and separated while we went on with our separate playa time and lives while he went to europe for three weeks.

we set up dinner plans. which almost never happened (i forgot to email back, i SWORE i had said yes but somehow didn't). we both showed up for dinner anyway. where we then didn't recognize each other without a solid layer of playa and grime covering us. we stood outside the bookstore for at least 5 minutes just looking around until i decided that that *must* be him even though when i got there he didn't recognize me either.

once we finally got that settled we went to dinner and spoke for the next 10 hours. and i've never been so much in love. so complemented by another human being.

so, ian, i love you so much! for such an originally unlikely start to an unlikely pair, i can't imagine anyone but you!

Profile

eeyore_grrl: (Default)
eeyore_grrl

July 2017

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
161718 19202122
23242526272829
3031     

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 23rd, 2017 02:52 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios