eeyore_grrl: (2016/17)
[personal profile] eeyore_grrl

		hike

my back throbs 
	a steady staccato of pain
my shoulders 
	knotted, knotting as i write
	pain shooting down to my right elbow
my knees
	crackling louder than bonfire and celebration
	the left one is torn inside


I wish it would all just take a hike
disappear
vanish into thin air
just for a minute, an hour, a day, a lifetime

just
	vanish

if my pain were to disappear i would not mourn for it
	i would wait nervously
		scared of its return
	but i wouldn’t put it on milk cartons
	or interview people about it on tv

i would just

wait

i would slowly learn to be who i am again
walking faster
	stretching further
i would return to yoga
	calm and strength in one

i would play more board games with my family
	and sit on the floor building legos with my son

i would call my friends and suggest that we take a hike
	that we build up to weekend backpacking trips again

i would camp under the stars in nothing but a bivy sack to protect me

i would not miss my pain

but for now it is pretty constant
	the knot in my shoulder tightening across my neck
		leaving more parts of me to hurt
		leaving me with choices of medication and hot baths
			concoctions and cauldrons to heal me

		i remain unhealed



Date: 2017-03-03 01:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] murielle.livejournal.com
Fibromyalgia. Yes. It should take a global, permanent hike.

What is a bivy sack?

This one touched all my aching nerve endings! Good job!

Date: 2017-03-03 06:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
A bivy sack is, basically, a tent that fits just around your sleeping bag so you don't need a tent.

Date: 2017-03-03 07:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] murielle.livejournal.com
Thank you.

It's surprising to some people that those of us who have FM don't dream of doing fantastic things, just the things we used to do. (Wistful smile)

Date: 2017-03-05 06:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
I second that wistful smile.

Date: 2017-03-03 12:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adoptedwriter.livejournal.com
Pain sucks. Well-expressed.

Date: 2017-03-03 02:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eternal-ot.livejournal.com
The wistfulness and reality was very well portrayed here. *hugs* Feel better <3

Date: 2017-03-03 08:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] halfshellvenus.livejournal.com
The line about not putting your pain on milk cartons or talking about it on TV cracked me up. Such tangible concepts of something missing, and such a humorous way of show how much it would NOT be missed.

And given the day-to-day of coping with such a condition, humor may be one of the few things that help. I sure hope someone discovers some lasting relief for people suffering from this-- all of the ordinary but life-enriching places it holds you back were so well detailed here. They are richness when you are denied them.

Date: 2017-03-05 06:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
Yeah, I'm one to poke fun at myself to get through stuff.

Date: 2017-03-04 04:29 am (UTC)
shadowwolf13: (Default)
From: [personal profile] shadowwolf13
<3

Date: 2017-03-05 12:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dmousey.livejournal.com
Exactly how I feel about my arthritis! I totally get this. Well done. Hugs and peace~~~

Date: 2017-03-06 12:34 am (UTC)

Date: 2017-03-05 04:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rayaso.livejournal.com
Those of us with FM cannot understand the difficulties and pain sufferers experience. The most poignant part is simply about being able to return to simple activities that we take for granted.

Date: 2017-03-06 12:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
I do miss being able to sit at the table and play board games, or whatever. It's sucky.

Date: 2017-03-05 06:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] messygorgeous.livejournal.com
I could feel the hurt. Oddly, last week I was experiencing some serious shoulder and neck pain and it really makes it hard to think of much beyond "Ouch, it hurts when I do that...Ouch! It hurts when I do that too!"

Date: 2017-03-06 12:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com
For. Real. Ugh, sorry you are having some of it, too. My shoulder loosened enough that i can feel my fingers again. That's good...

Date: 2017-03-06 09:33 pm (UTC)

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